is he really mine?

Yesterday I took Nate out by myself for the first time. It was also the first time we've used his pram and having spent most of the morning getting ready to leave the house for a 2.50 pm appointment I finally locked up, placed him in the pram and started walking to my appointment. I'd only just wheeled the pram through the gate and I caught my reflection in an office window. I can't describe how surreal it felt to be wheeling a pram with a newborn baby, my baby, my son. Having him has been such an emotional rollercoaster, mourning the loss of my independence and the end of a time Woz and I have been able to spend together as a couple, but at the same time loving Nate more than I could imagine and wanting to protect him, and loving seeing Woz become a father. I also didn't think it would be so hard looking after a newborn (aren't they just supposed to sleep all the time?!) and now have an incredible admiration for anyone who has brought up one child let alone any more than that.

the three of us

proud mum

mum takes the tiller 

this was taken sometime during the week in a brief moment between throwing up!  

an epic journey

Where can I start? The last three weeks have been a blur, some of the most challenging times I've ever experienced and now that I am trying to write some of it down it strikes me that I have no idea what I did other than feed Nate, try to settle him and coax him to sleep and change nappies.

Mum has spent the last month with us, arriving just a day before I went into the early signs of labour. It was so good to have her here, especially in light of my caesarian to help out with Nate and with things around home. She flew out last night and so today is my first day home alone for a month now. A little daunting as I'm still not entirely fit and well but I'm getting there.

During the time Mum had here she was able to see quite a bit of London despite a good week of her stay being taken up with me being in labour and recovering in hospital, and another week of her looking after Nate and I while I had gastro. We had to resort to some formula feeds during the night once or twice that week as I couldn't keep anything down. Mum was able to feed him for me through the night and I caught up on some much needed sleep, though I've learnt how lightly a mother can sleep when her baby cries no matter how wiped out she is. Anyway, we couldn't have survived the last month without Mum and I'm sure she'll be going home now for rest!

Woz has taken to being a father like a duck to water and is absolutely besotted with his son! Over the last few weeks he's taken Nate on loads of walks by himself so that I can try to sleep and although I'd love to be out walking with them, without sleep I'm not much good to anyone.

I've posted a few random shots that were taken over the last few weeks, mostly taken by Mum. In between me being sick I was able to join Mum and Woz on a few outings. With Nate not yet a month old he's been out on two canal boat trips, a boat trip to Greenwich along the Thames and seen all the touristy sites in London; Westminster Abbey, Big Ben, Trafalgar Square, Oxford St, Picadilly Circus, Leicester Square, Portobello Market, the National Portrait Gallery, Tate Modern ... need I go on? Too bad he can't focus on anything that isn't within 30 cm of him!

zzzz

Woz and Nate beat the heat with an afternoon nap.

making faces

em and nate

a trip to the park

Today I left home for the first time since leaving hospital to go for a walk to a local park with Woz. It was so nice to get out after being housebound for so long. It was a beautifully sunny day and Woz and I just hung out together and chatted which felt so normal!

Mum flew out for Denmark this morning to spend a week there with her two brothers. It has been a long time coming so we're so glad Nate came early enough for her to be able to take some time out.

my precious boys

cuddles in bed with dad

due date

Today was Nate's due date. It was so surreal seeing him already lying in his basket and being able to hold him in my arms. Woz and I are both so in love with him and so happy to have him in our lives.

gran and nate

proud dad

jaundice

Two days after Nate was born he had to have light therapy for his jaundice. I hated seeing him stuck in a bubble under the harsh light for so long without much human contact and constant blood tests but after what seemed like an eternity he was given the ok and we were discharged from hospital on Sunday evening.

recovering in the post natal ward

only an hour old

a picture says a thousand words

This isn't the most flattering photo of me but this picture says so much. I had just been wheeled out of the operating theatre and was totally exhausted from the labour and lead up to the operation. Little Nate was not yet an hour old and seeing his Dad for the first time.

and baby makes three!

At 3.50 on the morning of June the 8th Nate Parker entered this world and our lives. Having initially visited the hospital three days earlier with contractions five minutes apart it was a long lead up to what we had hoped would be a natural delivery in water. I did manage to make it to the birthing pool but Nate just wasn't prepared to come of his own accord so with my exhaustion and pain tolerance levels reaching an all time low I was given an epidural (magic!) and an emergency caeserian section.